Exactly one legalized drinking person’s life ago or 21
years, the Philadelphia Phillies had the greatest season anyone in Philadelphia
could truly remember. Yeah we won 2008 and 1980, but 1993 was still the most mesmerizing
season in Phillies history. As a team of no names and castoffs all came
together thanks to Lee Thomas and Jim Fregosi, and went on to go from 92 losses
in 1992 to 97 wins in 1993. If they had magically won the World Series the 93
Phillies would have been the most improbable world champs in the history of the
sport.
Alas though of course they didn’t win the World Series, but
lost it in such spectacular fashion that no one can remember how good the 93 Phillies
were just that Joe Carter collectively killed the happiness of an entire city.
Until Now.
Okay not really, but for some reason I really don’t know
some random person 2 months ago posted a small number of 1993 Phillies games onto
the youtube. I became aware of this yesterday and I thought “well why the hell
wouldn’t I do a running diary for every single one of those games”. I don’t
know who won the games (most of the time) so it’s all new to me. So come along
with me on this journey as we go back 21 years and pretend it’s the summer of
1993, and that baseball is still played in a concrete toilet, Whitey and Harry
are still alive, and the Phillies are rolling on all four cylinders.
The first game I’m watching will be a random early July game
(the fifth to be exact) before the all star break. I was going to start with
the first game of the season, but I already know the outcome of that game thanks
to 3,497,628 times I’ve watched the 1993 Phils Video Yearbook “Whatever It
Takes Dude”.
(oh I stole this whole idea from Bill Simmons, you don’t
have to tell me. It’s not my fault I was an impressionable 11 year old when I
started reading him. Get off my dick. I also have no right to post Phillies
games, I don’t know who mrodsports is, and I’m not trying intentionally to
break all copyright laws)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM8fu3jxDCk
0:00:00 Here we are at the lovely Veteran’s stadium some
time in early July (no one has mentioned that date) on the Prism channel to
watch Tommy Greene and the 54 and 13 Phillies vs Orel Hershiser and the Dodgers.
Now I don’t know how many people my age remember Prism, I know I didn’t
remember the broadcaster set up. Because there’s no Harry. There’s no Whitey.
It’s Gary Wheeler and some one named Jay Johnstone (don’t call him John
Johnstone I guess).
1:34 No I can’t describe the trailer for Turtle Beach, you’ll
have to watch that yourself
2:32 I honestly don’t know who Jay Johnstone is (a wiki
research leaves me that he played baseball and at one time was on the Phillies
in 1976), but I love that he starts off the broadcast by calling Philadelphia
radio hosts “morons” because they’re worried about the innings all of the
Phillies starting pitchers. “What do they know about baseball?” Johnstone adds.
This is kind of like a microcosm.
3:30 Hey look Boathouse Row... looks exactly the same.
5:37 The Dodgers show their line-up, I had forgotten Piazza
started his career in 1993. I’m sure there’s going to be a lot of Piazza dick
sucking in this one.
7:00 Tommy LaSorda takes infield practice before games. He looks
ridiculous but it does remind me of a story I read recently about LaSorda and
Phillies Skipper Jim Fregosi. They were sitting around and LaSorda is talking
about the players he’s faced and he turns to Fregosi, “You know Jimmy I don’t
remember ever pitching to you” and Fregosi replied “That’s because I was in the
Majors Tommy, not squandering away in the minors”. Ya Burnt.
7:34 Aw Roy Campanella and Don Drysdale died this week in
1993, and Fregosi died this week in 2014. Time travel.
8:00 Jay Johnstone thinks the Dodgers’ recent woes are due to the Rodney King Riots... 1993 alert!
11:16 Greene puts down the Dodgers 1-2-3 in the top of the
first, and I can’t stop smiling because I’m watching the 1993 Phillies, even if
for some reason I can’t escape Gay Wheeler, but at least i know that I won’t
have to listen to him this year. Hooray!
12:24 Platoon 2: Midnight Clear
12:30 Tonight’s line-up for the Phils:
1st CF Lenny Dykstra
2nd LF Milt Thompson
3rd 1B John Kruk
4th 3B David Hollins
5th C Darren Daulton
6th RF Wes Chambelain
7th 2b Mickey Morandini
8th SS Kim Batiste
9th P Tommy Greene
So no Eisie or Inky tonight, and Duncan is on the DL and I
guess Stocker isn’t up yet. Sounds good
to me.
13:05 First mention of Piazza being a local boy
13:50 Lenny Dykstra in early
July leads the league in runs with 76 the 2nd place players
has 60. Fun fact the 2013 Phillies leader in runs was 73 (Chase Utley).
14:00 Wheels throws out On base percentage, what a
sabermatrician he is.
15:17 Here comes Krukkie,
at this point he has a .476 on base percentage and a .345 batting
average. There’s nothing about John Kruk I do not love. He’s a person that if
he shows up at a softball game looking like he does no one would pick him and
when he came up to bat standing like he did everyone would move in.
15:43 And of course he rips the first pitch into the gap in
centerfield for a stand up double, his 22nd of the year. My mom
always says “don’t swing at the first pitch”, but Kruk don’t give a fuck.
17:30 Hollins goes opposite field for a single and here we
see the downside of Kruk because there’s no way in hell he can score from 2nd.
Bowa knows. 1st and 3rd two outs.
18:40 Daulton hits a fielder’s choice to end the inning 0-0
after 1
22:25 Johnstone “unless you played this game don’t come out
and say how some one should pitch” God I wish Wheels was paying attention to
Johnstone right now so that the next 21 years of my life would be more
enjoyable watching the Phillies.
22:34 Piazza gets the born in Norristown shout out! Woot. I wonder
if he was born in Sacred Heart like me. No mention of the fact that he grew up
and went to school in Phoenixville, a completely different town 15 miles away
from Norristown.
24:59 Norristown gets another shout out during the birthdays
and Wheels adds “That nice community” 1993 Alert!
25:11 Greene retired the Dodgers in the order again to get
through the top of the 2nd
27:23 Wes Chamberlain comes up to bat. Fun fact I thought
Wes Chamberlain and Wilt Chamberlain were the same person in 1993.
29:02 The current manager of the Lakewood BlueClaws and my
personal all time favorite Phillie Mickey Morandini bats a single up the
middle.
29:54 After what seems like the 9th called strike
on an outside pitch, Johnstone adds “My that’s a large plate tonight” Where has
this guy been for 20 years. How did we get stuck with Wheels? HOW?
30:10 With Mickey on first Batiste rips one up the middle. Hershiser
slows it up the 2nd Basemen makes a good play to stop the ball and
tosses it to the shortstop who drops the ball. But the ump still calls Mickey
out at second. Mickey is ripshit, doesn’t even move from 2nd base
(there’s a reason he’s my favorite player), Bowa comes over from 3rd
base and he’s rip shit, then Fregosi pops out and he’s just RIP (too soon
Kevin). Johnstone mentions ”those are two key shortstops who can play this game”
30:43 Johnstone mentions “Luckily we (the audience) have the
affordability of instant replay” If only the umps could have it Jay. If only.
Maybe one day
33:24 Phils go down with two more men left on base 0-0 after
2
33:56 Hah. Texaco
38:33 Tommy Greene had great stuff. It’s crazy that he only
started 15 more games after the 1993 season (also his first name is Ira).
40:10 Wheels mentions that Lenny Harris once played for the
Reds under manager Pete Rose. But mentions nothing about Rose being expelled
from baseball in disgrace. Cool. Yep. Rose was a great Phillie.
40:51 Orel Hershiser is batting .358 at this point of the
season just as he rips a single up the middle. There goes Tommy’s perfect game. I also just
lost the game.
43:10 Greene puts down the next batter to end the third. Now
a video tribute for Jonny Podres (1993 Phillies pitching coach), I love Johnny
Podres. He’s pretty much the only reason Curt Schilling became a starting
pitcher.
47:37 Johnstone is searching the booth frantically looking
for a stat. Because it’s on paper. Hah. Technology.
48:20 Johnstone keeps calling Wheels “Partner” I can’t tell
if this is just a thing Johnstone calls people or if he is subtlely putting
Wheels down. It feels like the latter.
48:30 Hershiser tosses a sure double play ball into right
field. His first error of the year. Now it’s 1st and 3rd
no out for JOHN KRUK
50:00 John Kruk’s 1st half numbers in 1993 are
preposterous .350/.477/1.008, and he only wears one batting glove. Oh he just
knocked in a run cause no duh it’s 1993 Dude. 1-0 Phils
51:45 “Hip Hop Hooray” is playing because no duh it’s 1993
Dude.
53:11 Another outside strike is called, “You figure because
Hershiser is pitching that they have to widen the play for him out of repect”
says Johnstone.
56:16 As Jeremy Goodwin says “The storm clouds are gathering”
in this Dave Hollins-Hershiser at bat. Enjoy that reference void of the
internet.
57:20 Hollins walks the bases loaded for Dutch Daulton.
59:06 Daulton hits into a double play, one run scores. 2-0
the Good guys.
1:00:20 Chamberlain grounds out to end third.
1:03:20 So it seems Garry Maddox is that 4-5-6 innings guy
for Prism. Hope he’s better than Gary Matthews.
1:10:49-1:11-12 23 full seconds of complete silence in the
booth. It seems Maddox and Wheels is = Matthews and Wheels.
1:12:38 Coventry Mall ends an ad with “Be there or be a Mets
fan” #love.
1:15:25 Piazza just went nutty on a hanging breaking ball to
end Greene’s shut out. 2-1 Good guys. Wheels adds “Piazza, what a good looking
young player.” Calm down Wheels.
1:18:09 Okay maybe Matthews and Wheels are better than
Maddox and Wheels. This is just brutal to listen to. I can’t even turn off the
sound and listen to Larry Andersen you know because it’s 1993 and he’s in the
bullpen, probably eating sunflower seeds.
1:20:00 When I was in college there was a doubleheader that
my friend Gumby and I did the play by play for. We were terrible. We kept
talking over each other, and we constantly made “Major League” jokes. But honestly
I think we were more fun to listen to than Wheels and Garry Maddox.
1:22:51 Lenny starts getting ornery with the home plate
umpire. Which is understandable because the home plate umpire has been fucking
terrible all night. They start jawing at each other. I think the only reason
Dykstra hasn’t been tossed is because there’s no way the ump can understand
what he’s saying with the humungous wad
of tobacco in his mouth. Dykstra then slices a single to right field for a
single.
1:27:40 Another terrible outside call, now with Kruk up, who
immediately starts shaking his head at the ump. If my lip reading is correct
(and I like to think it is) Kruk just said “that was a fucking foot outside”
1:28:38 Crowd cheers wildly when an outside pitch is called
for a ball. To paraprhase Michaelangelo “I’ve said it once and I’ll say it
again ‘man I love being a Phillies fan’”
1:29:39 48 walks in the last 47 games for Kruk
1:29:49 Make it 49. 2 on 1 out for Dave Hollins.
1:32:16 Hollins knocks in Dykstra with a seeing eyes single.
3-1 Phils. Dykstra now has 78 runs on the year, or 5 more than any 2013
Phillie had in the entire season..
1:33:10 Daulton gets robbed by a great catch in right field,
the fielder tries to double off Kruk but the shortstop is out of position.
Wheels totally Joe Buck’s the entire play. I’m getting bitter.
1:34:10 Wes Chamberlain goes to the opposite field wall and
scores two making it 5-1
1:36:45 OMG Omar Daal is up in the bullpen for the Dodgers.
We traded Schilling for that piece of shit. He’s LA’s only lefty reliever so he’ll
definetly pitched against the heavy lefty line-up of the Phils. I hope we
shellack him.
1:38:51 After a Morandini walk, Kim Batiste decides to go
opposite way scoring Chamberlain but Bowa keeps Mickey at third. 6-1 Phillies
man on 2nd and 3rd 2 outs for the pitcher.
1:40:07 Down goes Greene and down goes the Phillies in the 5th.
1:44:53 I don’t know if this is a thing only Wheels does, or
if I’m just rambling. But I’ve always gotten annoyed when Wheels says “look out”
when a ball or bat flies into the stands.
1:47:54 Jose Offerman hits a single up the middle after a
Greene walk. Offerman is many years away from putting on the Phillies
pinstripes, and many years away from attacking another player with a baseball
bat in the middle of a game
1:52:42 Greene labors to get through the top of the 6th.
Up to 92 pitches.
1:53:35 Aww a video about a late round draft pick making it
to Triple-A Scranton Wilkes-Barre.
1:53:43 Aww, I’ve never heard of him which means the dreams
he’s talking about making to the majors are not going to come true.
1:54:06 We come back from the feature hearing Wheels fumble
with his microphone before muttering “dammit” probably didn’t know his
microphone was on.
1:54:36 Dykstra gets another hit. I don’t understand how
steroids helped his game, yeah he hit 19 home runs, but he also walked a
billion times, and was almost always on base. Also I don’t care #blindspot
1:59:15 After Thompson walks, Kruks knocks in another run,
which is of course Lenny Dykstra’s 79th run of the season. 6 more
than any Phillie had in 2013.
2:00:45 Hollins follows up with a gapper that scores
Thompson, Kruk halts at third, Hollins at 2nd. 8-1 Phils. This is so
much fun.
2:02:09 Dodgers intentionally walk Daulton. Wheels’ comment “Daulton just can’t get any RBI’s tonight”
actually made me smile.
2:04:08 Chamberlain grounds into a double play scoring Kruk
9-1
2:06:00 Morandini gets called out on yet another shitty
strike. He practically begs the ump to toss him, and if it was 2014 there is no
doubt he would have been.
2:10:07 Johnstone comes back for the 7th and
tries to bring up some Wheels and Maddox were talking about and adds a point
for a conversation that happened 2 innings ago.
2:10:30 Johnstone ends a rant with “ If you average 40
errors a year you might as well start... ... ... picking flowers” kind of ran
out of steam on that one.
2:12:00 Something something George Goorlow something
something. Maybe Jay hung out with Jim and Jack during the 3 innings he was
away.
2:18:47 Greene gives up a run after hitting 100 pitches,
Fregosi pulls him for David West. Fregosi as always is wearing a jacket even
though it’s a 90 degree night in July.
2:20:30 Brett Butler is up for the Dodgers with the bases
loaded. Wheels mentions that Butler has 1 career grand slam while playing for
Cleveland. Johnstone adds “ Must have been one of those days when the wind was
really blowing out there”
2:25:00 West gives up two more runs but he gets out of the
inning. 9-4 Good guys.
2:30:21 David West is batting. He absolutely looks like Big
Bird. His stats: Season 2 for 3, Career 5 for 10
2:33:19 I blacked out during a whole 2 minutes about Lenny
Dykstra and Roger McDowell knowing each other. But came back in when Johnstone
mixed up Roberto Kelly with Roberto Clemente. Dykstra strikes out to end the
inning.
2:38:07 Back to back great defensive plays from John Kruk.
Just cause he was fat doesn’t mean he wasn’t good at defense
2:38:46 Another “look out” from Wheels. How did this guy get
9 innings on television. How? Who thought this was ok?
2:47:41 Omar Daal just 1-2-3ed the 1993 Philadelphia
Phillies. What a fucking asshole. I’m losing steam here, because Wheels is
continually killing my soul and the game is in hand.
2:50:30 West comes out for the 9th almost for an
old school save, but since the save rule is ridiculously stupid there’s no way
2 and 2/3 innings could constitute a save. You gots to go 3 innings.
2:55:14 Kruk falls down when a Dodger attempts a bunt. Heh.
2:58 The dodgers score another run before West finally ends
the game. 9-5 Phillies. They are now 55-13. 55 and 13! This really happened!
So this is 7 pages long. I hope it wasn’t real boring.
It probably was.
Go Phillies.
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